Dark lords, Homonyms and Hairy toes
by Octavia Eve1
Summary: A Harry Potter, LoTR, Eragon crossover which involves: weird love triangles, people who eat tree bark, and Baby Names: A History. R&R!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Eragon, My chemical Romance...or Captain Barbossa, although I'd like to ;) if ya know what I mean. I'd be his bushel of apples any day. :X**

**GO SEE AT WORLDS END! IT HILARIOUS! AND CAPTAIN BARBOSSA NEEDS TO MAKE BABIES WITH ME! **

**"No, what ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR ya doin'?" - Captain Barbossa**

**A/N: The Gerard fellow in the story is Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance and the Octavia woman (who is very hott and spicy, may I add) is Octavia Eve my OC. I don't bother to introduce them anymore because they are apart of all my stories. Lol. However they do have intros in **_**kareoke night. **_**Well Gerard does, I kinda just threw Octavia in there. **

**Dark lords, Homonyms and Hairy Toes.**

Aragorn and company decided to take a leisurely walk through a random forest. Eragon and his group also decided to do the exact same thing, at the exact same time, in the exact same random forest.

"What a beautiful day." Aragorn declared breathing in the fresh spring air. A cool breeze brought the scent of lilies to Aragorn's attention.

"I love lilies." Announced Eragon smiling. For he too had encountered the fragrant air.

Aragorn frolicked. Like rangers do on beautiful spring days.

"Erm...is he all right?" Questioned Legolas.

"The hills are alivvvvvvvvve! With the sound of musssssic." Sang Eragon and he too had a spring in his step.

"Erm...What's got into him?" Asked Saphira.

Eragon and Aragorn frolicked, oblivious to where they were headed. All of a sudden...

WHACK.

The two frolicking ninnies bumped into each other knocking one another to the ground.

"Watch where you're going next time!" Aragorn yelled, his mood swiftly changed.

"Why don't you watch where you're going?" Eragon replied.

"No you!"

"You."

"I am Aragorn son of Arathorn ruler of Gondor, and I command that next time you're frolicking through the forest you pay more attention to what you are doing." Said Aragorn.

"Well I am Eragon, Shadeslayer and dragon rider, I command YOU pay attention to what YOU are doing next time you go frolicking in the forest.

"Wait...what's your name?" Asked Aragorn.

"Eragon."

"My name is better." Said Aragorn simply.

"No, my name is clearly superior to yours." Replied Eragon.

"Well we're better because we have a dragon." Joined Murtagh.

"We're hotter." Said Boromir.

"_I think they have us beat there, little one." _Snorted Saphira.

Harry, Ron and Hemione are also walking through the forbidden forest, when they hear the commotion. They sit down and grab some popcorn.

"We have a female elf and she's hotter than all of you combined, her name is Arya." Eragon said with pride.

Legolas jumped to the from of the group. "What? Where?" He said enthusiastically. He spotted Arya, rushed over to her, and started kissing her hand. "Do you have a map?"

"Uh no...why?" Asked Arya, confused.

"Because I keep getting lost in your eyes." Legolas smirked.

"Oh come on, that's the cheesiest line I ever heard." Protested Eragon.

"Oh Legolas that's the best line I've ever heard." Replied Arya.

And they frolic off together.

"Eragon...Aragorn...that's like the same name!" Said Pippin excitedly.

"Pippin, you're not helping, go sit in the corner." Said Merry.

Pippin pouts and wanders aw ay from the group.

"It's not the same name. Hasn't anyone read Baby Names: A History?" Hermione said holding up the book.

"Uh...I'm only 16. Said Harry.

"Hermione...why do you have that book..." Ron asked suspicously.

"Professor Snape let me borrow it." She replied.

"Why does professor Snape own that book..." He asked, a bit concerned now.

"Look guys, I found a new friend, his name is Aragog." Said Pippin, who was sitting on the back of a giant spider. "Wait a minute, Eragon...Aragorn...Aragog...you guys all have the same name!"

"Back to the corner Pippin."

"They're not the same name!" Said Hermione, annoyed.

"I still want to know why Snape owns that book...wait a minute...no i don't." Said Ron.

Eragon and Harry jump at the same time.

"My scar...it's burning." They say in unison. Rubbing they respected scars.

All of a sudden two figures are seen entering the clearing. They start running towards the two groups pushing each other.Then one tripped over the other. "What are you doing?" Asked Voldemort.

"What are YOU doing?" Asked Galbatorix

"No, it's what ARRRRRRRRR ya doin'." said Captain Barbossa, popping out from behind an apple tree.

Everyone stares at him scrutinizingly.

"I'll just be getting back to my apple tree." Barbossa said. And he started knawing on the bark.

Everyone turned back to Voldemort and Galbatorix.

"I was here first." Said Galbatorix. "I should get to attack him.I HATE you!"

"Well I'm a better villian than you I should get to attack him." Replied Voldemort. "And I hate you more."

"Well I hate you most! Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?" Asked Galbatorix.

"I'm surprised someone as evil as you would have to ask." Replied Voldemort. And they leapt into each other arms and started kissing.

"Ok that's just wrong." Said Eragon.

"This is punishment enough." Harry gagged.

"I always thought he was you know... a bit gay, with the way he looks a t Harry and all.

"How does he look at me?" Asked Harry.

Awkward silence.

Yeah that is kind of creepy.

"I'm the one who came up with that theory, I'm the one who reads." Hermione said knowingly.

"The one who reads a collection of baby name books" Retorted Ron.

"I have not read a collection of baby name books. Just the one I borrowed from Snape."

"What did you borrow from me?" Asked Snape, who appeared randomly.

"Baby names a history." Said Hermione.

"I don't own that book." Said Snape snarling.

"Yes you do. I bought it for you." Said Octavia also appearing randomly.

"Octavia...why did you buy me that book." Snape asked suspicously.

Octavia smirked.

"What's going on, have I missed anything?" Asked Gerard who walked up to the group.

A voice called. "Voldie, oh Voldie, where art thou."

Sauron walked into the clearing.

"GASP!" He gasped. Voldemort, how could you? You said you'd be mine forever!" Sauron said enraged.

"I'm not whoaaakay." Sang Gerard.

"Gerard you're not helping the situation." Said Merry. "Go sit in the corner with Pippin."

Gerard walked over and sat next to the hobbit.

"Hello." Said Pippin.

"Hello." Gerard responded.

"I have toes! And I've named them all. Eragon, Aragorn, Aragog, Eragog, Eragorn, Aragon, Aragogorn, Eragogorn, Areraragogornia, and Hector." Said Pippin delightfully.

"Er..." Gerard scooted away from Pippin.

"I HATE BOTH OF YOU!" Sauron exclaimed. as he stomped away.


End file.
